Corny Joke Of the Day

A senior citizen named Herbert was driving down the freeway, when his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice . She sounded urgent as she warned him, "Barney I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"
"Heck," replied Herbert, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reason for the grade.
"You know the self X-ray you took?" asked the professor.
"I do." said the student.
"Well it's a fine picture," the professor said, "of your lungs, stomach, and liver."
"If it's a fine picture, then why did you give me an F?" asked the student
"I had no choice," said the professor. "I'm afraid you didn't put your heart into it."

Why don't Oysters give to charity?
Because they're Shellfish!

Corny Joke Of the Day

A big company offered $50 for each money-saving idea submitted by its employees.
First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to $25.

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It didn't say anything. It just let out a little wine.

One night, after a long hard day at work a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. All of the sudden, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician's money.
"You can't do that!!" The politician cried. "I'm a politician!"
"Oh," said the masked man, "in that case give me all MY money!!

Laffy Taffy Jokes

What do you call an avid gardener?
-- Herb

Why do fish live in salt water?
--because pepper makes them sneeze

What did the man say when the picture fell on his head?
-- I've been framed!

Why did they bury the battery?
-- Because it was dead.

What do you call a crab who plays baseball?
-- a pinch-hitter

What do sneezes wear on their feet?
-- ahh-shoes

What do you do when you have no rubber bands?
-- find a plastic orchestra

What did the plate say to the other plate?
-- lunch is on me.

What's brown and sticky?
-- a stick

What's red and not there?
-- no tomatoes